Gen Z are having less sex than their elders, but yet they may also be the kinkiest generation yet.
Rather than racing to get racy, reports show that youths are more considerate and cautious with their intimate choices, with younger people seeing intimacy as an extension of their beliefs around relationships, bodily autonomy, and wider societal issues. Defying what adults in their life have taught them about sex and gender, they are choosing to seek different experiences that feel safer and more true to who they are.
Dr. Rebbeca Lahann, award-winning clinical psychologist and AASECT certified sex therapist, would say that they are more in sync with their sexual values. But, what does this mean? I spoke to Rebbeca to find out more.
What do you mean by sexual values or values aligned living?
Sexual values are the principles, preferences, and beliefs that shape how we approach intimacy, consent, pleasure, trust, and vulnerability. They’re often formed through early experiences, cultural influences, and personal reflection—but rarely do we stop to define them intentionally. Values-aligned living is the practice of tuning in to what truly matters to us and allowing those insights to guide our choices in and out of the bedroom. When we live in alignment with our values, our intimate lives become more authentic, fulfilling, and grounded in who we truly are.
Why does aligning with your sexual values enhance your intimate experiences?
When our behaviors match our values, we feel more empowered, grounded, and present. Misalignment often creates what I call the “authenticity gap”—that nagging sense that something feels off or disconnected. That gap can show up as anxiety, avoidance, shame, or unfulfilling intimacy. But when you’re in alignment, there’s clarity, connection, and confidence. You’re more likely to speak up about what you want, to set boundaries without guilt, and to experience intimacy as something that nourishes rather than depletes you.
How can individuals discover what their sexual values are?
It starts with reflection and curiosity. My work guides individuals through practical tools and structured exercises to help them uncover their authentic values. Sign up for my newsletter at https://drrebbecalahann.com/ for more information and to access a free eBook with journal prompts, worksheets like the Sexual Values Bullseye and the Circles of Sexuality, and even a guided meditation to support this journey. These tools help you notice where your values came from, what feels aligned or out of sync, and how to start making small, empowered shifts.
Why does Acceptance and Commitment Therapy help with this?
ACT is a powerful, evidence-based approach that helps us build psychological flexibility. It’s designed to help people live in alignment with their values—even in the presence of fear, shame, or uncertainty. It doesn’t ask you to get rid of difficult thoughts or emotions; instead, it teaches you how to relate to them differently. In the context of sexuality, that’s critical. ACT helps people recognize when they’re being guided by rigid internal rules, avoidance, or cultural scripts—and then gives them the skills to move forward with self-awareness and intention. That’s where true intimacy begins.
What advice would you give individuals and couples wanting to reconnect with their sexual values?
Start by asking, “What matters most to me in intimacy?” Not what you were taught, not what you think you “should” want—but what truly resonates for you. Begin the conversation with yourself first, then with your partner(s). Try framing it as an invitation, not a confrontation: “I want us to build something that really reflects who we are and what fulfills us.” And give yourselves permission to evolve. Sexual values aren’t fixed; they grow with us. Reconnection doesn’t mean getting it perfect—it means staying curious, intentional, and open-minded. Whether you’re newly dating or decades into a relationship, the invitation is the same: get clear on what matters, and then live it out loud.
If you found the information in this article helpful, you can read more about Rebbeca work on her website, Instagram, Facebook, LinkedIn, and TikTok
About Rebbeca
Rebbeca Lahann, Psy.D., CST is a licensed clinical psychologist and AASECT-certified sex therapist who brings more than 25 years of specialized experience to the fields of sex therapy, mental health, and values-based living. As the Clinical Director of Spectrum Psychology and Wellness and a nationally recognized speaker, her career has been marked by a dedication to advancing education, delivering compassionate care, and creating innovative resources that empower individuals to lead authentic, fulfilling lives. You can find her on socials @DrRebbecaLahann or learn more at DrRebbecaLahann.com.
Hi, I’m Heather – an award-winning book editor and content writer specialising in mental and sexual health. If you enjoyed this post, you can support this series by contributing to a coffee, or hiring me for my blog writing or editing services:
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