Cancer’s impact is felt everywhere. With The American Cancer Society estimating that 2,001,140 people have been diagnosed with cancer in 2024 alone, it’s hard to ignore that we will all be touched by cancer in some way during our lives.
However, despite these sombering figures, a cancer diagnosis isn’t always life threatening. Many people live with and/or survive cancer, and part of living, breathing, and being human is having close, intimate relationships.
So, how does cancer impact a person’s or a couple’s sex life? It is understandable that cancer can change the way you feel about your sexuality, but what are ways to navigate this in a partnership?
I spoke to Anne Katz, an internationally recognized expert on the topic of cancer and sexuality to answer some of these questions.
Understandably, we respect that a cancer diagnosis and its following treatment has a huge physical and mental impact on the individual. However, what impact does cancer and its treatment have on us sexually? Is this different for men and women?
While there are certainly some physical differences between male and female sexual functioning, we are all sexual beings across the lifespan. It is often assumed that male sexuality is simple – he is either ‘turned on’ or not and that is the totality of it – while a woman’s sexuality is very complex. I have learned over the years that male sexuality is equally complex with the same feelings, doubts, and experiences as women.
Cancer treatment causes changes in all stages of sexual functioning including alterations in arousal and the ability to experience pleasure (not just related to orgasm). Cancer treatments impact on desire and feelings of desirability, as well as body image (feeling attractive to self and others) and sexual self-confidence.
Our sexuality and sexual health forms a large part of our identity and contributes to our overall health and happiness. Are there ways that a person with cancer can still be sexual and enjoy sexual intimacy?
The evidence shows us that sexual functioning may be different after cancer treatment, but that does not mean that it is worse! It is important for the survivor to explore what feels good, both alone and with their partner. The old way of being sexual may no longer be pleasurable or even work, but humans are endlessly adaptable, and new ways of exploring and finding pleasure are always possible. It is also important to know that there are treatments that can be helpful, but it is only when the survivor and partner ask for help that they can learn about these and, if desired, make use of medical treatments. This could include hormone supplementation, non-pharmaceutical aids such as lubricants for painful intercourse, counselling, or mindfulness meditation.
How can a cancer diagnosis impact a couple’s sex life and intimacy?
Sexuality is an important part of intimacy, the meaning of which is emotional connection, within the couple’s relationship. Physical changes are of course important and the treatment of cancer – surgery, radiation, chemotherapy – has profound effects on the physical aspects of sexual functioning. But the emotional impacts are just as important. This can include body image changes that lead to loss of self- and sexual confidence, and fear of causing pain by the partner and fear of pain for the person with cancer. Because cancer is generally thought of as life threatening, people often make a ‘bargain’ that if they survive the cancer, they will give up sex. This is a false bargain and one that is futile. Most people with cancer do survive the treatment and then want things to be the way they were before, including their sexuality and sexual function.
Naturally, cancer has a ripple effect and touches not just the person suffering but their loved ones, too. How can partners best support their loved one with cancer? How can they look after themselves, too?
There are situations where the partner just is not going to be able to fix what the survivor is experiencing. You cannot take someone’s pain away (although regular medication and reminders to take the meds is useful!) or remove their suffering entirely. But the partner can listen, really listen without interrupting, and validate what the survivor is going through.
Self care is important – remember the oxygen mask instructions on every flight!
What advice would you give to a couple who is navigating the implications of cancer in their sexual relationship?
The most important aspect of navigating the change(s) is communication. Talking to one’s partner is key to avoiding assumptions that are not accurate and allaying fears that sex will cause damage. But communication must also happen with health care providers. Survivors should ask their healthcare provider what they can do about any changes they are experiencing, and if the healthcare provider doesn’t know, they must know who they can refer the survivor to.
If you found the information in this article useful, you can buy Anne’s latest books, such as:
- The award-winning Woman Cancer Sex (2021, second edition) here,
- Sexuality and Illness: A Guidebook for Health Professionals (2022) here; and
- Caring for a Young Person with Cancer: Professional Guidance for Parents and Partners (2022) here
For Anne’s counseling and teaching services for professionals, you can find out more on her website here.
You can listen to Anne talk more about these topics on her podcast, Sexually Speaking, which you can listen to here and on Spotify, YouTube, Apple Podcasts, and Google Podcasts.
About Anne
Dr Anne Katz is a registered nurse and certified-sexuality counsellor in private practice. She is the author of a wide range of books for health care providers and consumers on the topics of sexuality and illness in general with a particular emphasis on cancer survivorship. She is an internationally recognized expert on the topic of cancer and sexuality and is highly regarded as a knowledgeable speaker. She is passionate about teaching and encouraging health care providers to start the conversation about the impact of illness, especially cancer, on sexuality and sexual functioning.
Hi, I’m Heather – an award-winning book editor and content writer specialising in mental and sexual health. If you enjoyed this post, you can support this series by contributing to a coffee, or hiring me for my blog writing or editing services:
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