Heather Evans Editorial

Looking out of the window today, spring has finally got himself into gear and sprung his light onto my face. Most importantly, he has given me some much needed inspiration to write.

Although I have on numerous occasions gone, ‘Oh, I really should write something for my blog’, I recently have sat down in front of my screen and felt stilted. A lot has changed in the past couple of weeks, let alone the pass couple of months, and I haven’t been able to articulate this change in the manner I want to. I’m the typical kind of person who internalises real and truthful emotions, conveying myself in a way that is practical or humorous, but I have learnt that I just need time to feel things completely and independently before knowing how I want to share my thoughts.

Reading the words of writers and relating parts of their experience to my own can be beneficial, but nothing compares to listening to their stories first-hand and having that human connection with them. This is what I felt when I saw the beautiful poet, Rupi Kaur, in Birmingham last month.

I had never been to a poetry slam before, so the experience was definitely a fresh and enlightening one. Rupi set the tone wonderfully, making all of us feel welcome after the audience got over some initial awkwardness. Although her tour was promoting her newest anthology The Sun and Her Flowers, she did not limit her storytelling or deprive us of the favourites from Milk and Honey. She moved us to laughter, tears, joy and sassiness as she brought her poems and their powerful meanings to life, discussing sex, parenthood, immigration, racism and friendship with flair and fire. The most magical moments were where Rupi would incorporate music into her performance, and her otherworldly tone and movements took the audience to another place entirely. Her openness hit my soul, and we all left the venue with a connection that felt like nothing else I had ever experienced.

Although Kaur’s poems sit firmly on my bedside table, you cannot feel their true power or understand how they should be read by digesting them on a motionless page. Some of her poems I now read completely differently, with wisdom rather than anger or sadness.

However, another way I felt when leaving her performance was that I needed to make some changes. I was going to do yoga. Download a meditation app. Go running 3 times a week. Listen to different, hipster music. Drink smoothies. I was going to be a better version of me, and what a great time to do this than when we are entering the month of new beginnings: Spring.

Alas, I realised that the words on the page were Rupi’s and not my own.

Once things change significantly in your life, it is expected that you completely refresh and reinvent yourself. Projecting to others that you are doing g re a t. Posting your best moments on social media, displaying new clothes, and spreading your new interests to those who will hear it. Yet, that just isn’t me.

Trying to be ‘better’ doesn’t make you feel better. Sometimes clearing out the old means you are left with something that isn’t authentic to who you truly are, or ever were before. Although change is often needed, it shouldn’t be to the detriment of your happiness or character at heart.

After trying to commit to all these ‘changes’, I was having all these feelings of inadequacy and felt lower than I ever did. Then, I discovered the brilliant Fearne Cotton’s podcast, Happy Place.

I initially avoided listening to it because I felt that it would make me self-indulge, with topics maybe cutting too close to my own fragility. However, the conversations that Fearne has with these inspiring people are educated, eloquent and completely relatable. It made me realise that it’s okay if I am an introvert, that I don’t need to change, and that I don’t need to compete with the lives people present on social media. I resonated most with the episode Fearne shared with Stephen Fry, as it made me get out of my own head and realise we are all humans. We all have these emotions, and actually it is human connection and doing things you enjoy that make you feel at peace. The moments when you are not even thinking about your own happiness are often when you are most happy. I couldn’t recommend listening to it more, with celebrities, such as Paloma Faith and Dawn French,  and regular people, like Fearne’s latest episode with Zephyr Wildman, talking openly about their stories. You can find it on Spotify or any podcast app.

Anyhow, this has all made me realise that spring for me is about new beginnings in a different sense. This new beginning is about reconnecting to what I have always enjoyed, and that I’m great. I don’t need to change. I have learnt that to move forwards you sometimes have to move backwards, or even sideways.

One of the things that make me the person I am has, obviously, always been my love for tea. I’m going to end this blog post by telling you about one of my favourite teas of all time. I picked it up for my best friend for her birthday, and it’s called Goji Acai. It’s a green tea that contains Goji berries and acai, and it is filled with berry brightness and antioxidants that will make you feel brilliant. It has loads of health benefits, but the main thing is that it tastes great and makes you feel warm inside. I originally picked it up from Whittards but I’m sure you can find it in a little independent tea shop, too.

I’m going to call it a day there. I hope this spring blossoms into being the best one yet, and please check out Rupi Kaur’s poetry and Fearne Cotton’s wonderful podcast!

Love,

Hev xo